No Matter What, Know What Matters

18 years.

18 years ago God knew the world would need a you.  He knew I would.  You will oh so shortly be loading up your truck and heading off to start a new chapter, one that I won't be nearly as present.  I know all too well how soon, how real, and how incredibly hard that goodbye is.  So as I sit here on the eve of The Day of Cole I wonder if I shared with you all that I wanted to before we begin this leaving thing.  I haven't.  There's no way.  So here's my list.  18 things in honor of the 18 years I have had the privilege to be called "Mom" by you.  18 things I hope, no matter what, you already know.  18 things I hope you have heard at least once that made it stick.  But just in case....

1.  Know you are His.  If the enemy had had his way, you would never have walked a day on this earth.  Oh how hard he tried, but there was my God.  He strengthened our family. He restored. He knew.  Ever before I even knew you were to be, He knew that the world needed you.  You have a great purpose that the enemy tried to destroy, but God...

2.  Know He wants you to live for Him.  Even when you mess up, He wants you to get back up, brush yourself off, and keep going.  Nothing is ever too big.  Too messed up.  Too late.  Too much.  Too hard.  It's all a part of His story.  You. Are a part of His story.

3. Know who your people are.  They are the ones loving you.  Praying for you.  Encouraging you.  Believing in you.  I can think of 5 immediately.  I know there's more.  But 5 is a great place to start.

4.  Know you can always come home...for awhile.  I say this somewhat tongue in cheek.  You see if you need to regroup or rethink or refresh we are here.  But you were meant and created to go and soar and do great things outside of our walls.

5.  Know we've also messed up.  So don't ever think something is too big to tell us.  That's why we were chosen just for you.  You are loved.

6.  Know when to open a door...and when to shut one.  You've known from knee-height to open a door for a lady, or an older person, or really anyone, but it's not really that door I am thinking of.  Never be afraid to try a door you've never walked through.  Never be afraid of the failure that a door won't open or that it's not the right one.  And never be too proud to know if it's a door that needs to be shut.  Sometimes God allows a door to stay open in hopes that in wisdom you will shut it and walk away trusting Him.

7.  Speaking of...Know when to walk away.  From people.  From a girl.  From a situation.  From a class. From anything that is not right.

8. And know when to stay.  Sometimes the hardest thing to do is stay. Because it's the right thing.  Things that are worth your time and effort are rarely easy.  Hard can be good.  And you might miss out on something that could be amazing just because it might be difficult.

9.  Know your limit.  Of anger. Of patience. Of safe. Of finances. Of investing in someone.

10. Know the names of the people you meet.  Everyone wants to be remembered.  Remembering the name of someone could mean the difference of a yes or a no.  A job or no job.

11.  Know how to say no.  To people. To a relationship.  To a request.  Not every need is your specific calling.

12.  Know how to say yes.  To people.  To a relationship.  To a request.  Sometimes a very simple need is exactly what God is asking of you.

13.  Know how to speak up.  Even if it is against the crowd.  Find your voice.  Help those that can't help themselves and be the voice that speaks Truth.

14.  Know the value of a life.  "A person's a person no matter how small," ~Dr. Seuss.  Every person you will encounter is made in the very image of the One Who created you.  Beg God to see others the way He sees them.  Everyone has a story and everyone has a chapter they don't want anyone to see.  Don't ever let someone drown out the truth that all life is valuable regardless of age, gender, color, born or unborn.  If one life holds value, every life does.

15. Know that an education is only the beginning.  You are a life-long learner.  Keep learning.  Keep finding the wonder.

16.  Know that what you expect is all you will ever get.  If you expect to struggle in a class, you will struggle.  If you expect to be treated as if you don't matter, you won't matter.  If you expect to be average, average you will be.  If you expect that every moment is just another opportunity to make Him known, He will use you in ways you would never even have imagined.

17.  Know what matters.  Your relationship with Christ. Your faith. Your walk. Your family. Your life.

18.  Know this.  I will miss you.  I will cry the day I have to say goodbye but it doesn't mean I don't want you to go.  I want you to go.  I have made it my job to watch you go.  There is an entire plan out there written just for your life.  But I will miss you.  I will think of 100 reasons for you to stay. I will remember 100 things I have possibly forgotten to tell you.  I will remember 100 memories of my second born son. But I will let you go.  Because you are ready.  There are so many people on your path in life that need to meet you.  It's selfish for me to hold onto you.  I am so thankful for the time I had you under my roof.  I am so thankful you call me "mom."

Happy 18th Birthday sweet Cole.  No matter what, know what matters.

Go. Be a Peacock, Lil Part 3

It's no easy feat living with a teenage peacock.  No easier than it was living with the toddler version.  Or the young child version.  Or really any that I have encountered.  15 years of living with a peacock and I am still as baffled as I was on day one.  With the wide array of beautiful colors and amazing patterns, each peacock varies in its appearance.  Similar variations of emotions and personalities come as a package deal.  With time, and seasons, and changes, the peacock settles into a pattern and life can seemingly become more predictable.  Until it isn't.  Until it doesn't make sense again.  Until the prayers for wisdom begin again.

Inevitably, peacocks are not as common as chickens.  As wonderful as chickens can be, when they become teenagers, they too can change.  Where as before, the chickens accepted the peacock, now it is no longer cool to spread colorful feathers.  It is no longer acceptable to leap and play and nuzzle.  "Your feathers are so big."  "You take up so much room."  "Why does your tail stick out like that?" Never waiting for the answer because the question was never really meant to be answered. It was meant to be talked about in hushed whispers while walking away.  Extreme colors and larger than life differences matter.  They shouldn't. But they do.  A peacocks worth can get blurred with comments that aren't exactly hurtful but still hurt.  A peacock can forget that their worth is in the very differences that make them the unique life created for a purpose.  A peacock can still wish on days that it was a chicken.  Or at least that it wasn't the only peacock.  Or that at least that chickens would care there even was a peacock.  Chickens can forget that they are unique even in the midst of looking like the others.  Chickens can quickly get comfortable in the brood and content in the sameness of other chickens.  It's when chickens care that there are chickens.  And  that there are peacocks.  And care that there are both.  It's when peacocks care that they stick out.  When they care that what makes them different seems very different.  Peacocks can get tired of being around peacocks just a quickly as a chicken can often get tired of being around chickens.  Peacocks can hang out with chickens and the chicken will usually have the best time.  It's when the chicken realizes that other chickens are watching.  And they care that chickens are watching.  "Go be a peacock somewhere else." Or better yet, "Can you just NOT be a peacock right now?"  Shame.  Embarrassment.  Loneliness.  Trying to tuck feathers in.  Trying to not be so colorful.  Trying to not be noticed.

But the peacock was meant to stand out.  The peacock is meant to be different.  The peacock brings color to the picture.  The peacock brings new out of same.  The chicken was created for a different purpose.  That's great!  More than one life with more than one purpose.  It makes the world go round. It gives people a moment to be daring.  To dance.  To laugh.  To make a face.  To change a voice.  To twirl.  To skip.  To be.  Just to be.  BE different.  BE unique. BE ready for each moment.  BE free.  BE significant.  BE cherished.  There's comfort in knowing you are different than me.  There's comfort in knowing I can enjoy your different.  But when do we learn that?  When do peacocks learn that?  When do chickens learn that?

Why try to fit in when you were born to stand out?

Go be a peacock, Lil.

But be the best one the world has ever seen.

I love you.