As I stare at my little boy in this picture, I am in awe at how fast 16 years can actually go… and I begin to think of you more and more. 16 years ago you weren't even a thought. I had so much more to think about and all of the things that I was busy teaching my little boy. I was too busy loving my little boy, tying shoes, and playing in dirt. I was enjoying bike rides with him sitting on the bike seat right behind me pointing out all of the things I wanted him to notice. I was bringing my little boy to all of the places I wanted him to experience and all of the people I wanted him to meet.
You never entered my mind.
I was too busy being the mama to my little boy. He was a delight. I am so honored to have been chosen as this little boy's mom. Not everyday was easy, but I knew everyday was a gift. My little boy never left my side and if ever there was a Mama's boy, he was it.
I remember a friend had come to visit us in the hospital. After a few minutes of admiring my baby boy's sweet face, she jokingly made a comment I will never forget.
"Too bad you didn't have a girl. Boys eventually leave their Mama's."
Her words were a blow in those first precious moments with my sweet little boy. But somehow as I moved past her comments, I thought she was wrong. As my little boy grew, I knew she was wrong. Even looking back on those moments today, I am more sure than ever that she was wrong. Boys don't leave their Mamas.
Boys need their Moms. My boy needed me on those dark nights when he was afraid. My boy needed me when he felt bad and needed to be rocked, when he couldn't reach the tip top of the block tower he was building, and when my boy scraped his knee. I was his protection from the big bad Santa Claus when he was two and from the mean little girl at the Waterfront Park. My boy needed me to push him on the swing and to teach him his letters. I caught him when he jumped into the pool and picked him up when he fell down. My little boy needed me and I loved to be needed by that little boy.
Truth is Boys don't ever leave their Mamas.
For this reason a man shall leave his father and *mother* and be joined with his wife and they shall become one flesh.
As I looked at him as he pulled out of our driveway today with a quick smirk and "Love you Mom," he looked more like your man then he did my boy. And I thought of you. My boy would never leave me. But one day, your man will.
Tears are welling up in my eyes as I typed that last sentence, but not because I am sad I am losing my little boy but because I have so much respect and love for your man. I realize that although I don't have much to teach him anymore, I do have so much more I want to train him in. I realize how short my time was with my little boy and how close he is to leaving my house as your man. And I want him to be ready.
I also think of the responsibility and job I have left before you are joined with your man. I think of you so often and I pray for you as I go about my day. As I find less and less things to be teaching him, I find more and more things I want to encourage him in and build him up in as he grows into a man. I think of you. I think of you when he forgets his clothes on the bathroom floor and I have to remind him for the hundredth time to go clean them up, when he doesn't make his bed, or when he helps me unload the groceries without being asked. I think of you when he tells me how good dinner was, when he clears the dishes, or grabs a heavy item from my arms. I hope you love it that I have taught my little boy to hold doors open for women, how to tell them when they look pretty, and how to treat them like ladies. I hope you love that my little boy had two younger sisters that he practiced on. He practiced helping them, showing them affection, and protecting them.
I think of you when I show him grace when he leaves for class and his room is a mess because he had been up late working on a paper. I pray you will love and respect him and show him that same grace when he messes up with you. I think of you when I make him go back and apologize to his siblings, hoping that one day he will be quick to apologize to you. I think of you when we have talks about a girl he is interested in and I am encouraged by what those qualities are. I am sure you are exactly what he is looking for and I pray that he will be the exact man you are looking for. I think of you when I catch him reading God's Word and I hope one day you will be thankful that your man prays. I think of you when he goes to work when he doesn't feel like it because he knows that work is what men do and in that work your man will honor God. I try to encourage your man to be a hard worker and I hope one day you will reap the fruit of that encouragement. I hope he makes you laugh and I think of you when he makes me laugh.
Today my little boy no longer looks like a little boy. In fact, he looks closer to your man than he does my boy. The fact is. .. he IS closer to being your man than he is my little boy. I don't have anything left to teach my little boy. My job is now to encourage and continue to build up in the young man you will one day call yours. I am praying for you. I am praying for your man. And I am praying for me as I finish my season of teaching and training my boy to be your man. Until then I promise to not grow weary and to finish this mothering race well. When the day comes for you to call him yours, he will leave me. He will leave me and be joined to you because that is how God designed it. My boy will have become your man. And it will be good.
March 17, 2016~So much in this young man's life has changed in one short year, but I am more convinced now than ever, he will be ready. He has overcome such challenges and has become even more of a man than when I wrote this just one year ago. He will be ready to leave our home. He will be ready to stand firm in what he believes. He will be ready to face the hard. He will be ready to be a man. Her man.